Here in Cleveland? I Didn't Know They Still Had a Team!

This is from the (rather lengthy!) comment I made last week on Brave Astronaut's post about how much he hearts April:

And also: I'm going to the Indians home opener on Monday afternoon. (Hence the use of my Grady Sizemore/Jensen Lewis/Tom Hamilton* - autographed DVD of MAJOR LEAGUE [deluxe edition w/ AstroTurf cover!] as a profile photo.) 



It's my first time at a home opener, but I think it's one of those things everybody should do once — like being in Times Square on New Year's Eve. So, done and done.


Anyhow: The current conditions in Cleveland are 36 degrees and rain/snow. The weatherpeople around here insist it will be back up to the 60s by Monday afternoon, but perhaps they just want to be able to chortle from the comfort of their climate-controlled studios while the Progressive Field cam shows stands full of shivering shorts-wearers. I myself am probably going to be bringing a blanket, just in case.



* http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tom_Hamilton_(broadcaster)

So, further bulletins as events warrant.

This Week in Grady

Borrowing liberally from a fellow Bobcat's baseball blog . . .

It's a dichotomy of a day.

As part of WKYC's "Weather Education Days" program, there are thousands of little kids here as part of class field trips. As I walked into the ballpark this morning, the screaming kids were enjoying the song and dance routine of people dressed up as a rain drop, a cloud and a sun (with sunglasses, of course... which is kind of like a bug spraying itself with OFF!). I believe the Jonas Brothers were playing over the speakers, but don't quote me on that.

And then, on the other end of the spectrum, we've got Nathan Followill, drummer for the rock group Kings of Leon, in the house. The Kings are performing tonight at the Tower City Amphitheater -- or whatever name it's referred to these days -- and Followill threw out a ceremonial first pitch.

Followill was here at the invitation of Grady Sizemore, who is a big fan of the Kings.

"It's safe to say that's my favorite band," Sizemore said.

Grady met them after a show over the offseason, and he's a little bummed out that the Indians' travel plans (they are bound for Tampa immediately following today's game) won't allow him to check out tonight's show.

No word on Sizemore's feelings about the Jonas Brothers.

— CastroTurf

I Could Watch This All Day

This is my favorite part of Grady's appearance on That's Life . . . . especially the first ten or fifteen seconds.

The part where he's all about the Chucks just makes me laugh. And squee. Mostly squee.

If I'm a Little Distracted This Morning

. . . It's because I'm OD'ing on Grady at SizemoreFan.com.

I found it because I was looking for footage from Grady's appearance on That's Life with Robin Swoboda, since I stupidly neglected to set my VCR on Monday morning.

I kind of wish I had video of the promo she did — she was super-excited to be in Arizona for spring training, and was joking about being Mrs. Sizemore. Grady was just pretty much just staring at her, like, "Are you for real?" and then he finally decided to laugh. So cute!

Ha! This quote in the sidebar on the fan site cracks me up:

I should have told the interviewers to ask about his wardrobe. Grady's 110% a metrosexual.

— Jason Bay

He did look quite spiffy last year.

And We're Underway in Goodyear, AZ

As you may or may not know/care, another season of Indians baseball kicks off this afternoon with the first spring training game at the new facility in Goodyear.

I've spent part of the morning e-mailing a sales rep about tickets for the two group outings I'm setting up, looking through the photo galleries on WTAM, and reading articles on Indians.com. I caught part of an interview with Grady on Sports Time Ohio a few days ago, but maybe I'll kill time until 3 p.m. looking for additional footage/images online. Or at least watch some Major League clips on YouTube.

Yeah, that's the ticket. Work, shmerk.

Nothing Melts Snow Like a Hot Stove

So, in case you hadn't heard, it snowed in Northeast Ohio last weekend.

WTAM helped us warm up by replaying a classic Indians game on Sunday afternoon, and the Plain Dealer is sharing photos from the new spring training facility in Arizona . . . where Grady is already hard at work.

Want more workout pix with even odder grimaces?
Check out the slideshow on cleveland.com.

And to top it all off with some stadium mustard, this was in the paper this morning:

Indians seek Fun Bunch workers to wear hot dog costumes

The Cleveland Indians have signed a closer, a third baseman and a starting pitcher this off-season, but three crucial positions remain unfilled.

To be winners, the Tribe needs wieners.

Specifically: fit folks who can don the Ketchup, Mustard and Onion hot dog costumes and sprint around the foul lines for fan amusement. The race has become a mid-game fan favorite. There's even a Web site, ketchupcheats.com, dedicated to exposing the conniving condiment. And the Tribe is dead serious about its dogs. An ad on the team's Web site for "Fun Bunch" seasonal workers notes: "Applicants must have some type of previous training in high school sports/track and cardiorespiratory endurance between 400-800 meters. Running skills will be tested as Fun Bunch employees will be required to participate in the Hot Dog Races."

Let's just hope the Tribe scouts don't find the king of all Ketchups, only to have the Yankees swoop in and sign him for $18 an hour.

— Michael K. McIntyre

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Now playing on iTunes: DJ John - It Takes Two To Kiss (Rob Base vs. Prince)
via FoxyTunes

What Say You, O Great Blogosphere?

At lunchtime yesterday, Cathy and I continued our spirited debate about whether corn on the cob is an acceptable food to eat while driving. She says, Hell to the NO! I say, Hells YEAH!


I was discussing this topic on Sunday afternoon with someone else (while eating corn on the cob at the Yankee Peddler festival) and am forced to admit that Michelle wasn't entirely on my side. I maintain that she had no opinion on the matter, but Cathy thinks that Michelle disagreed with me but didn't want to argue about it. Whatever.

A Google search doesn't turn up too much on this topic besides a lot of photos of people feeding corn on the cob to their dog and/or baby and this hilarious — and award winning! — Worm on the Cob derby car created by Carolyn H.:




I did find this anecdote posted in an online message board entitled "When you eat corn-on-the-cob, how do you eat it?"

Ruthie said:

The other day, we were driving down the busy interstates of California, minding our own business. ... well, except for the fact that traffic was stopped, so we were peeking into our fellow traveler's vehicles.

The woman next to us was eating corn-on-the-cob while driving! She had it on the little sticker-thiny and was just going away at it. ... I suppose it's better than talking on her cell phone; it's certainly more endearing.

Cathy seemed to experience a similar event, which raised her general awareness of the issue and influenced her contention that such behavior is wrong. I see nothing wrong with it, however.

To support my position, corn on the cob is not mentioned MSN Money's list of the ten most dangerous foods to eat while driving.

1. Coffee. It always finds a way out of the cup.
   
2. Hot soup. Many people drink it like coffee. Same effects.
   
3. Tacos. "A food that can disassemble itself without much help, leaving your car looking like a salad bar," says Hagerty.
   
4. Chili. Dangerous drips and slops down the front of clothing.
   
5. Hamburgers. Grease, ketchup, mustard on your hands, your clothes and the steering wheel.
   
6. Barbecue. Spicey and dicey. There is the temptation to lick your fingers. More grease on the steering wheel.
   
7. Fried chicken. Ditto. Grease coats everything you touch.
   
8. Jelly or cream-filled doughnuts. Dangers relate to oozing while cruising. Raspberry jelly stains difficult to remove.
   
9. Soft drinks. Prone to spills and sudden fizzing if car makes sudden movements. Cola fizz in the nose is perilous while driving.
   
10. Chocolate. Tempting but treacherous. Try to clean it off the steering wheel and you're likely to end up swerving.

And it also isn't mentioned in this list of suggestions for what to eat while driving. Note, however, that the guy who created the list seems mostly concerned with foods that will make a mess in his car. I have no such worries, because I never clean my car. Problem solved!


One blog, Quarter Life Crisis, does make a case against corn on the cob while behind the wheel, but I'm ignoring it because that whole list seems to be exaggerated for some sort of comedic effect. Plus, he hasn't updated his site since January, so how trustworthy can he be? (Although I do agree with his no-talking-to-someone-in-the-next-stall policy.)


So, I'm throwing the topic out for discussion. Please post your opinion in the comments, especially if you are one of my three longtime-readers-never-posters ... or even if you just arrived here during your search for Grady Sizemore photos, a parody motivator generator, the destroy-a-printer game, or pix of awesome Chucks.




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Now playing on iTunes: The Black Crowes - Another Roadside Tragedy
via FoxyTunes

An Item from My Inbox; Latest Entries in My Queue

Checking my e-mail last night, I noticed this subject line: "Grady Sizemore* Becomes a 30/30 Man."



The first thing that came to mind was the song "Sixty-Minute Man," which made me snicker. But when I read the message I remembered that the Indians were playing Detroit and realized that I'd already missed the first three innings because I had been watching She's Having a Baby.**

Also on the Kevin Bacon tip: I just saw He Said, She Said last week, and if I hadn't been flipping between the convention and the ball game last night, I would have been watching Diner. No plans to watch Footloose, though.***








*Or, as my grandma insists on calling him, "Grady Cute Butt." Yeah, I'm vomiting a little, too. I think I've mentioned that factoid before, but I felt the need to share the pain.

** Verdict: Hilarious and underrated. I enjoyed all the cross-casting between it and Ferris Bueller, plus the string of cameos during the closing credits. Oh, and don't forget the big song-and-dance number with the lawnmowers — one of many WTF?! dream sequences that cracked me up.

*** Last weekend my sister insisted that I've seen this movie, despite my many claims to the contrary. She says we watched it on TV one night, but I have no memory of this incident. I do know that we saw Sleepers on TV once — it was the same night Stick learned that it's not a good idea to put a wooden spoon in the blender when it's on. (Yes, he had been drinking. What's your point?)





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Now playing: Orleans - Still the One
via FoxyTunes

It's Grady Day!

Can you believe Grady Sizemore was born on this date in 1982?


I thought I'd celebrate by re-posting a few of my fave Grady pix, although I should really be sending his parents a thank-you note.

In the meantime, if you have not experienced the hilariousness that is THE Grady Sizemore III Biography over at Grady's Ladies, I highly recommend checking it out.

Oh, and I suggest eating the cake, not wearing it, for maximum enjoyment.

I Totally Want This: Boom Box Ghetto Blaster Weekend Bag

Like I don't have more than enough tote bags already . . .


My favorite part of the marketing copy?

WARNING:
Perpetual Kid is not liable for any injury encountered while your old butt is throwing down cardboard and attempting the worm.

Ha!

The other stuff on the page is pretty good, too:






Well, except for Play-Doh cologne spray. Ew!

And I'm not sure what digit message tape is all about, but it looks pleasingly retro, so I'll go along with it.

Hmm. I still have some 45 RPM adapters somewhere, so I could probably make my own necklace.


Anyways:

I'm in the process of deciding whether I'm going to Akron this weekend to go to the movies with my sister and some friends, or if I'm staying home to go out to dinner with some other friends. I see some e-mails and/or phone calls in my future. . . .

And maybe a little more stuffing of the ballot box:








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Now playing on iTunes: John Fogerty - Centerfield
via FoxyTunes
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Snerk.

Indians 12, Twins 2: It took eleven years, but the Indians finally exacted their revenge on Livan Hernandez for the 1997 World Series. Grady Sizemore was 15 at the time and was living in Seattle, but I'm sure his desire for vengeance was burning with the intensity of a thousand suns as he hit his 14th home run in the fourth inning.

— ShysterBall: And That Happened

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Now playing on iTunes: Clarence Carter - Tell Daddy
via FoxyTunes
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A Road Trip with Grady? Where Do I Sign Up?!

Actually, this would be awesome. And I have friends in Boston. Hmm....

The Crack of the Bat and the Green of the Grass

I think I have a sore throat and the sniffles. Maybe I'm coming down with Indians Fever?

While I'm catching up with the day's events in Winter Haven, you can join the United Countries of Baseball.




Or read a lovely excerpt from Joe Posnanski's blog:

It’s spring training time, and you know what that means.

Report: Grass Is Green Again This Year

SURPRISE, Ariz. — After an off-season of doubt, several unnamed sources have confirmed that the grass at spring training sites across America is, in fact, green.

“There’s nothing better than coming to spring training and seeing the green grass,” said one baseball executive. “It always amazes me to come out here and see how green the grass looks,” said a Major League player.“Yep. Green,” said a sportswriter.

The color of the grass, which was reported in more than two dozen newspapers across America, is caused by chlorophyl that is used in a process called “photosynthesis.” A quick survey indicates that the grass is a brilliant green at the Mariners complex in Peoria, it is a vivid green at the Rays camp in St. Pete, immaculate green in Clearwater (even though the Phillies have left), and, and officials are anticipating emerald green at Fenway Park. Sources in Surprise call the grass here viridescent, but those were sources with a thesaurus handy.

It marks the one millionth consecutive year that grass has come out green.

“And somehow, it’s always a surprise,” one source said. He would not indicate if the green grass had anything to do with baseball’s recuperative powers or offered positive proof that time begins on Opening Day. He did say it is good to “hear the crack of the bat.” The source also conceded that there is no better five-word combination in the English Language than “Pitchers and catchers report today.” *

* What about "Free money handed out here”?

Or "World peace begins right now."

Or "Britney and Paris disappear together."

Or "Chocolate cake with raspberry sauce"

Or "Michael Bolton gives up singing."

Or "American Idol canceled; Simon tortured."

Or "I found your baseball cards."

Or "Scarlett Johansson asked me out."

Or "Matt Damon asked me out."

Or "We will double your salary."

Or "All you can eat spaghetti."

Or "We only serve Coke products."

Or "Go sleep three more hours."

Or "Chocolate Haagen-Dazs with strawberries"

Or "They bid above list price."

Or "Belichick fell in a manhole."

— 3,382 Words about Nothing

And the day wouldn't be complete without a splash of Major League and some Grady eye candy.






These seem to beg for some funny captions along the lines of LOL Jocks, but I'm not that clever. There are some great spring training pix here, though. This one is probably the best:

This Question's for Grady

Well, this didn't happen at the event I went to, but we had some moments that were almost as good:

CANTON, Ohio — The woman stood before a crowd of 400 people Thursday and asked a question that was, shall we say, unique.

"I'd like to ask Grady what he's doing next Saturday," the woman said, "because my daughter has to go to winter formal and she needs a date."

We'll leave the woman's name anonymous to protect the innocent — or, more accurately, to protect her embarrassed daughter.

Nonetheless, you have to admire the courage she displayed in, essentially, asking Grady Sizemore out on a date, in front of a room full of people who came to the McKinley Grand Hotel for one of the Indians' final Winter Caravan stops.

"I don't have a date for the winter formal either," Sizemore replied.

— Caravan displays Sizemore's celebrity

Here's a slideshow of my photos — you may have to click the text balloon to turn on the captions:

You can see larger copies of each image in my Web album.





And here's my recap, illustrated by Cathy:

We got there an hour early, and couldn't find anyplace to sit. One guy was graciously going to allow us to sit at his table until his friends arrived, but a waitress tipped us off about some seats being brought in at the other end of the room . . . the end right next to the stage, in fact. So, I ended up sitting about two feet away from Grady! (Never mind that he mostly had his back to me.) Cathy had a slightly better angle, and got some shots of Jensen and Grady talking to the crowd.

During the Q & A session, one guy announced that he had a question to ask Grady on behalf of his wife — she was one of Grady's Ladies before she got married* and she wanted to know: Boxers or briefs? The crowd lost it, and Jensen announced, "This is exactly the kind of question we've been waiting the entire press tour to hear!" Once he stopped laughing, Grady said, "Uhm . . . Boxer briefs?" Cathy wanted to know what kind of underwear Jensen wears, but since they moved on to the next question, she decided it wouldn't really matter because she'd just pull it right off anyways.

I think someone in the crowd was celebrating a birthday, and the guys said they wanted some cake. Two slices were brought up front . . .

. . . and after a few bites, Grady put his piece down on the speaker next to us.**

The signing session was at the bar in the back room. Grady seemed to always have his head down, making it very difficult to get a photo that does not look like this:

I brought my DVD of Major League — the Wild Thing edition with the turf cover! — and my copy of last May's Sports Illustrated with Grady on the cover. I joked with Cathy that I was going to rip off the part with my name and address, write my number on it, and give it to him. I saw a girl at another table with the same issue, but hers didn't have an address label, so nyah.

Cathy didn't bring anything to get signed, and she initially offered to get my magazine signed, since we were supposedly limited to one autograph per person. But then they announced that they had photos and baseballs for sale, so she bought a baseball. She just happened to have a mystery tool*** in her purse to help her remove the plastic wrap, and I just happened to take a photo of it and put it in the slideshow. Anyhow, she said that since we weren't allowed to take photos with the players, I should get a shot of her getting her baseball signed, and she'd get one of me getting my DVD signed. Sadly, I didn't quite live up to my end of the bargain.

When I handed Grady the DVD, I said "You'll probably need the Sharpie for this," like he's some kind of autograph virgin and needs me to guide him. I'm pretty sure he said, "Oooh," and ran his hands over the turf on the DVD sleeve, but maybe I dreamed that part. I know I said, "Yeah, when the game isn't going so well, I turn it off and put the movie on." They both laughed, and Jensen said, "The movie has a better ending!" I said, "Exactly!"

Cathy snagged this awesome action shot of Jensen signing my DVD. The girl at the far end of the bar used to bartend at Brendan O'Neill's — we'd see her all the time when we were there for Pub Quiz. I meant to say hi to her, but was obviously a little distracted.

Once we had our stuff signed, we headed back to our seats and that was pretty much it. Cathy took off around then**** but I stuck around through the end of the charity auction. Grady's autographed batting helmet went for something like $600, and tickets to see a game from the broadcast booth went for almost that much. When he was finished running the auction, Tom Hamilton started signing items for the crowd. As he signed my DVD, I told him the same thing I told Grady and Jensen. He laughed and said at least with the movie you always get a happy ending.

I thought about hanging around a bit more — I suppose could have started another conversation with the old ladies I chatted with earlier when I was getting drinks at the bar — but I was pretty much ready to head home. I kind of wanted to see if anyone else posted photos online, and there was a professional photographer there — I don't know if he was from the paper or maybe with the Indians or even with the owner of the bar — and I wondered if Cathy and I would be visible in the background of any of the shots he took. I was hoping to have a "Look, there I am! In the back!" photo to add to my collection — right now it's just that one AP photo of the OU basketball game (see sidebar). Sadly, I had to make do with the pictures Cathy and I took. But it was fun to go, and to recruit one more person to the Grady is an H-O-T FOX! bandwagon. (Not like he needed her, but I was tired of arguing with Cathy that he is cute, he just doesn't always photograph well.)

* I think he said something like, "I stole her away from you," and Grady said, "Good man."

** That's not his beer.

*** When she goes to her sister's place to baby-sit, they like to sneak random items into her purse and see how long it takes her to notice them. When she noticed this one, she wasn't sure what it was: maybe a letter opener?

**** I was instructed to give Jensen her number if he asked for it, ha ha. (Nevermind that she didn't even know who he was until Thursday night.)

It's Grady Day!

Squee!

Tonight the Cleveland Indians Press Tour comes to my neck of the woods . . .

I thought I would do a little Googling to see if anyone has posted anything about some of the other stops on the tour, and I came across this insightful passage and lovely action photo from last year's tour on Welcome to the Monkey House:

Every woman in Ohio (and perhaps beyond) would like to have freaky monkey sex with Grady Sizemore. I'm not going to knock the kid. He's got a pretty good life right now. Couple that in with the fact that we got he and Cliff Lee for the artist formerly known as Bartolo Colon (whom we wouldn't have been able to re-sign anyway), and Shapiro gets a little pat on the back. Robbery.

—Observations

So, maybe tomorrow I'll have some stories* and photos of my own.




* Perhaps of freaky monkey sex? Rowr!

Friday Timewaster: LOL Jocks

I guess there's LOL everything by now, but it doesn't mean that these photos aren't hi-larious . . .

Guess which one is my new desktop wallpaper?

Hello, Mr. Sizemore indeed!

I'll see you at the restaurant down the street from my place in two weeks.

Words Fail Me

Boston Red Sox starter Daisuke Matsuzaka broke Grady Sizemore’s bat on the second pitch of last night’s game. Some 3½ hours later, the Cleveland Indians had their hearts broken too in Game 7 of the American League Championship Series.

— Indians' dream dies: Red Sox pour it on, go to Series,
Dave Hackenberg

And yet, all day Sunday, I knew that Cleveland was going to lose to Boston in Game 7. I knew it. This wasn’t about optimism or pessimism or any other ism. This wasn’t paranoia. I knew it like I know the sound of my youngest daughter’s crying. There was never even the slightest doubt in my mind. We’ve been here before, us Clevelanders. We’ve lived with Cleveland sports pain for 40-plus years now, and we know the telltale signs. We all have HM — Heartbreak Meters — mine was growling on Sunday.

— Pain,
Joe Posnanski

96 wins, tied for the best in baseball, even with four fewer home games than every other team in the league. Sabathia is the likely Cy Young winner and Carmona will finish in the top five. Garko showed he can man first base for years to come. Betancourt transformed into the best set-up guy in baseball. Lewis and Perez emerge as scary arms in the bullpen even though they both began the season in the minors. The rally pies and Kenny Lofton turning back the clock. This was a great season, which is why it hurts so much right now.

— ALCS Game 7: The Tag or Joel Skinner?,
Disappointment Zone

Nothing says "we have no heart" better than being outscored 30-5 in three straight ALCS games, particularly when you consider that the Indians had Cy Young candidates on the hill for two of those games. This team obviously has some talent, but until they find some heart, Ozzie Guillen's taunt will remain right on the money.

— It's Choke Time Now!,
Hornless Rhino

As for me? I couldn't watch the ninth inning. I put in my DVD of Major League (Where is Willie Mays-Hayes, indeed.) and did some mental math to estimate the number of days until pitchers and catchers report. Then I thought about how LeBron better bring it for real this year, and wondered how the Browns would manage to be a huge disappointment in December, so we can maintain our "Have Your Heart Broken Every Three Months" schedule. Sigh.

Giddiness Ensues

Uhm. That photo looks a little . . . incriminating. Much like the photo of LeBron laid out on top of Damon Jones after Jones drilled that shot against the Wizards the other year. But they're just happy, is all.

A lovely sonnet from the Listener Rantz page on WTAM.com:

Bob,

I sent the following poem to my diehard-Yankees-fan-friend in NYC this morning. Thought you might like to have a copy...

Dear Yankees Fans,

Our thoughts are with you in this time of great sorrow.
For your beloved Yankees, there is no tomorrow.
The end of an era? Steinbrenner's story?
Will all your Free Agents walk the same path as Joe Torre?

None of that matters to us at this moment...
It's time to move on to our next AL opponent!
Their pitching is solid, but we've got our gnats.
This week we'll train 'em to swarm Boston's bats!

Who cares what Chip thinks... or TBS... or ESPN...
As long as our Indians continue to win!

So next week when you're sulking, along with King James,
In Cleveland we'll all be enjoying the ALCS games!

GO TRIBE!!!

Regards, Indians Fans

~ From Jeff in Strongsville, OH

Eventually, Brave Astronaut is supposed to post something nice about the Indians on his blog. Watch this space.

Hmm. Since I had a blogger bet during the CLE-NY series and the Indians won, I suppose I should have one with Megan Q during the CLE-BOS series to ensure an Indians victory.

In other news: The Cavs open their season tonight. At least the organization shows a little class on its Web site, even if LeBron insists on being rude:

Talking Trash

• On deck: Game One
  
• Bring on the Yanks, but Not the Peace Pipe...
  
• Members of the Tribe: Hometown Buds Hope for Some October Magic in Cleveland
  

And my personal favorite: FNYLGT

Mmm! Pie!

I missed the Indians game on Grady's birthday, so I didn't get a chance to see him play DH or get his pie-in-the-face moment.

Luckily, I found some nice photos on The Plain Dealer's Web site. I especially like the tongue action in the last one. (Dirty!)