This Question's for Grady

Well, this didn't happen at the event I went to, but we had some moments that were almost as good:

CANTON, Ohio — The woman stood before a crowd of 400 people Thursday and asked a question that was, shall we say, unique.

"I'd like to ask Grady what he's doing next Saturday," the woman said, "because my daughter has to go to winter formal and she needs a date."

We'll leave the woman's name anonymous to protect the innocent — or, more accurately, to protect her embarrassed daughter.

Nonetheless, you have to admire the courage she displayed in, essentially, asking Grady Sizemore out on a date, in front of a room full of people who came to the McKinley Grand Hotel for one of the Indians' final Winter Caravan stops.

"I don't have a date for the winter formal either," Sizemore replied.

— Caravan displays Sizemore's celebrity

Here's a slideshow of my photos — you may have to click the text balloon to turn on the captions:

You can see larger copies of each image in my Web album.





And here's my recap, illustrated by Cathy:

We got there an hour early, and couldn't find anyplace to sit. One guy was graciously going to allow us to sit at his table until his friends arrived, but a waitress tipped us off about some seats being brought in at the other end of the room . . . the end right next to the stage, in fact. So, I ended up sitting about two feet away from Grady! (Never mind that he mostly had his back to me.) Cathy had a slightly better angle, and got some shots of Jensen and Grady talking to the crowd.

During the Q & A session, one guy announced that he had a question to ask Grady on behalf of his wife — she was one of Grady's Ladies before she got married* and she wanted to know: Boxers or briefs? The crowd lost it, and Jensen announced, "This is exactly the kind of question we've been waiting the entire press tour to hear!" Once he stopped laughing, Grady said, "Uhm . . . Boxer briefs?" Cathy wanted to know what kind of underwear Jensen wears, but since they moved on to the next question, she decided it wouldn't really matter because she'd just pull it right off anyways.

I think someone in the crowd was celebrating a birthday, and the guys said they wanted some cake. Two slices were brought up front . . .

. . . and after a few bites, Grady put his piece down on the speaker next to us.**

The signing session was at the bar in the back room. Grady seemed to always have his head down, making it very difficult to get a photo that does not look like this:

I brought my DVD of Major League — the Wild Thing edition with the turf cover! — and my copy of last May's Sports Illustrated with Grady on the cover. I joked with Cathy that I was going to rip off the part with my name and address, write my number on it, and give it to him. I saw a girl at another table with the same issue, but hers didn't have an address label, so nyah.

Cathy didn't bring anything to get signed, and she initially offered to get my magazine signed, since we were supposedly limited to one autograph per person. But then they announced that they had photos and baseballs for sale, so she bought a baseball. She just happened to have a mystery tool*** in her purse to help her remove the plastic wrap, and I just happened to take a photo of it and put it in the slideshow. Anyhow, she said that since we weren't allowed to take photos with the players, I should get a shot of her getting her baseball signed, and she'd get one of me getting my DVD signed. Sadly, I didn't quite live up to my end of the bargain.

When I handed Grady the DVD, I said "You'll probably need the Sharpie for this," like he's some kind of autograph virgin and needs me to guide him. I'm pretty sure he said, "Oooh," and ran his hands over the turf on the DVD sleeve, but maybe I dreamed that part. I know I said, "Yeah, when the game isn't going so well, I turn it off and put the movie on." They both laughed, and Jensen said, "The movie has a better ending!" I said, "Exactly!"

Cathy snagged this awesome action shot of Jensen signing my DVD. The girl at the far end of the bar used to bartend at Brendan O'Neill's — we'd see her all the time when we were there for Pub Quiz. I meant to say hi to her, but was obviously a little distracted.

Once we had our stuff signed, we headed back to our seats and that was pretty much it. Cathy took off around then**** but I stuck around through the end of the charity auction. Grady's autographed batting helmet went for something like $600, and tickets to see a game from the broadcast booth went for almost that much. When he was finished running the auction, Tom Hamilton started signing items for the crowd. As he signed my DVD, I told him the same thing I told Grady and Jensen. He laughed and said at least with the movie you always get a happy ending.

I thought about hanging around a bit more — I suppose could have started another conversation with the old ladies I chatted with earlier when I was getting drinks at the bar — but I was pretty much ready to head home. I kind of wanted to see if anyone else posted photos online, and there was a professional photographer there — I don't know if he was from the paper or maybe with the Indians or even with the owner of the bar — and I wondered if Cathy and I would be visible in the background of any of the shots he took. I was hoping to have a "Look, there I am! In the back!" photo to add to my collection — right now it's just that one AP photo of the OU basketball game (see sidebar). Sadly, I had to make do with the pictures Cathy and I took. But it was fun to go, and to recruit one more person to the Grady is an H-O-T FOX! bandwagon. (Not like he needed her, but I was tired of arguing with Cathy that he is cute, he just doesn't always photograph well.)

* I think he said something like, "I stole her away from you," and Grady said, "Good man."

** That's not his beer.

*** When she goes to her sister's place to baby-sit, they like to sneak random items into her purse and see how long it takes her to notice them. When she noticed this one, she wasn't sure what it was: maybe a letter opener?

**** I was instructed to give Jensen her number if he asked for it, ha ha. (Nevermind that she didn't even know who he was until Thursday night.)

It's Grady Day!

Can you believe Grady Sizemore was born on this date in 1982?


I thought I'd celebrate by re-posting a few of my fave Grady pix, although I should really be sending his parents a thank-you note.

In the meantime, if you have not experienced the hilariousness that is THE Grady Sizemore III Biography over at Grady's Ladies, I highly recommend checking it out.

Oh, and I suggest eating the cake, not wearing it, for maximum enjoyment.

If I'm a Little Distracted This Morning

. . . It's because I'm OD'ing on Grady at SizemoreFan.com.

I found it because I was looking for footage from Grady's appearance on That's Life with Robin Swoboda, since I stupidly neglected to set my VCR on Monday morning.

I kind of wish I had video of the promo she did — she was super-excited to be in Arizona for spring training, and was joking about being Mrs. Sizemore. Grady was just pretty much just staring at her, like, "Are you for real?" and then he finally decided to laugh. So cute!

Ha! This quote in the sidebar on the fan site cracks me up:

I should have told the interviewers to ask about his wardrobe. Grady's 110% a metrosexual.

— Jason Bay

He did look quite spiffy last year.

It's Grady Day!

Squee!

Tonight the Cleveland Indians Press Tour comes to my neck of the woods . . .

I thought I would do a little Googling to see if anyone has posted anything about some of the other stops on the tour, and I came across this insightful passage and lovely action photo from last year's tour on Welcome to the Monkey House:

Every woman in Ohio (and perhaps beyond) would like to have freaky monkey sex with Grady Sizemore. I'm not going to knock the kid. He's got a pretty good life right now. Couple that in with the fact that we got he and Cliff Lee for the artist formerly known as Bartolo Colon (whom we wouldn't have been able to re-sign anyway), and Shapiro gets a little pat on the back. Robbery.

—Observations

So, maybe tomorrow I'll have some stories* and photos of my own.




* Perhaps of freaky monkey sex? Rowr!

Insert Wiffle Ball/Boobie Euphemisms Here

I've been loving the TV and radio ads for the contest to win a game of Wiffle Ball with Grady Sizemore. Hmm. I don't have kids. Can I enter the Backyard Challenge anyway?

Also: I can't improve on this post about Grady, so I'll just link to it: Hump Day Hottie: Grady Sizemore. I see some candidates for my desktop wallpaper . . .

Right now I have this shot of LeBron and Boobie as my wallpaper.

In Brian Windhorst's Cavaliers blog, he said they have man crushes on each other, which totally cracked me up. I can't stand the nickname Boobie, although I think my mom told me over the weekend that it's German for "little boy" and that she had a cousin or some other relative in Germany that they called Boobie. I did like the t-shirts some girls wore to Game 6: "Detroit, You Can't Touch Our Boobie." Snerk.

This Week in Grady

Borrowing liberally from a fellow Bobcat's baseball blog . . .

It's a dichotomy of a day.

As part of WKYC's "Weather Education Days" program, there are thousands of little kids here as part of class field trips. As I walked into the ballpark this morning, the screaming kids were enjoying the song and dance routine of people dressed up as a rain drop, a cloud and a sun (with sunglasses, of course... which is kind of like a bug spraying itself with OFF!). I believe the Jonas Brothers were playing over the speakers, but don't quote me on that.

And then, on the other end of the spectrum, we've got Nathan Followill, drummer for the rock group Kings of Leon, in the house. The Kings are performing tonight at the Tower City Amphitheater -- or whatever name it's referred to these days -- and Followill threw out a ceremonial first pitch.

Followill was here at the invitation of Grady Sizemore, who is a big fan of the Kings.

"It's safe to say that's my favorite band," Sizemore said.

Grady met them after a show over the offseason, and he's a little bummed out that the Indians' travel plans (they are bound for Tampa immediately following today's game) won't allow him to check out tonight's show.

No word on Sizemore's feelings about the Jonas Brothers.

— CastroTurf

The Crack of the Bat and the Green of the Grass

I think I have a sore throat and the sniffles. Maybe I'm coming down with Indians Fever?

While I'm catching up with the day's events in Winter Haven, you can join the United Countries of Baseball.




Or read a lovely excerpt from Joe Posnanski's blog:

It’s spring training time, and you know what that means.

Report: Grass Is Green Again This Year

SURPRISE, Ariz. — After an off-season of doubt, several unnamed sources have confirmed that the grass at spring training sites across America is, in fact, green.

“There’s nothing better than coming to spring training and seeing the green grass,” said one baseball executive. “It always amazes me to come out here and see how green the grass looks,” said a Major League player.“Yep. Green,” said a sportswriter.

The color of the grass, which was reported in more than two dozen newspapers across America, is caused by chlorophyl that is used in a process called “photosynthesis.” A quick survey indicates that the grass is a brilliant green at the Mariners complex in Peoria, it is a vivid green at the Rays camp in St. Pete, immaculate green in Clearwater (even though the Phillies have left), and, and officials are anticipating emerald green at Fenway Park. Sources in Surprise call the grass here viridescent, but those were sources with a thesaurus handy.

It marks the one millionth consecutive year that grass has come out green.

“And somehow, it’s always a surprise,” one source said. He would not indicate if the green grass had anything to do with baseball’s recuperative powers or offered positive proof that time begins on Opening Day. He did say it is good to “hear the crack of the bat.” The source also conceded that there is no better five-word combination in the English Language than “Pitchers and catchers report today.” *

* What about "Free money handed out here”?

Or "World peace begins right now."

Or "Britney and Paris disappear together."

Or "Chocolate cake with raspberry sauce"

Or "Michael Bolton gives up singing."

Or "American Idol canceled; Simon tortured."

Or "I found your baseball cards."

Or "Scarlett Johansson asked me out."

Or "Matt Damon asked me out."

Or "We will double your salary."

Or "All you can eat spaghetti."

Or "We only serve Coke products."

Or "Go sleep three more hours."

Or "Chocolate Haagen-Dazs with strawberries"

Or "They bid above list price."

Or "Belichick fell in a manhole."

— 3,382 Words about Nothing

And the day wouldn't be complete without a splash of Major League and some Grady eye candy.






These seem to beg for some funny captions along the lines of LOL Jocks, but I'm not that clever. There are some great spring training pix here, though. This one is probably the best:

Words Fail Me

Boston Red Sox starter Daisuke Matsuzaka broke Grady Sizemore’s bat on the second pitch of last night’s game. Some 3½ hours later, the Cleveland Indians had their hearts broken too in Game 7 of the American League Championship Series.

— Indians' dream dies: Red Sox pour it on, go to Series,
Dave Hackenberg

And yet, all day Sunday, I knew that Cleveland was going to lose to Boston in Game 7. I knew it. This wasn’t about optimism or pessimism or any other ism. This wasn’t paranoia. I knew it like I know the sound of my youngest daughter’s crying. There was never even the slightest doubt in my mind. We’ve been here before, us Clevelanders. We’ve lived with Cleveland sports pain for 40-plus years now, and we know the telltale signs. We all have HM — Heartbreak Meters — mine was growling on Sunday.

— Pain,
Joe Posnanski

96 wins, tied for the best in baseball, even with four fewer home games than every other team in the league. Sabathia is the likely Cy Young winner and Carmona will finish in the top five. Garko showed he can man first base for years to come. Betancourt transformed into the best set-up guy in baseball. Lewis and Perez emerge as scary arms in the bullpen even though they both began the season in the minors. The rally pies and Kenny Lofton turning back the clock. This was a great season, which is why it hurts so much right now.

— ALCS Game 7: The Tag or Joel Skinner?,
Disappointment Zone

Nothing says "we have no heart" better than being outscored 30-5 in three straight ALCS games, particularly when you consider that the Indians had Cy Young candidates on the hill for two of those games. This team obviously has some talent, but until they find some heart, Ozzie Guillen's taunt will remain right on the money.

— It's Choke Time Now!,
Hornless Rhino

As for me? I couldn't watch the ninth inning. I put in my DVD of Major League (Where is Willie Mays-Hayes, indeed.) and did some mental math to estimate the number of days until pitchers and catchers report. Then I thought about how LeBron better bring it for real this year, and wondered how the Browns would manage to be a huge disappointment in December, so we can maintain our "Have Your Heart Broken Every Three Months" schedule. Sigh.

An Item from My Inbox; Latest Entries in My Queue

Checking my e-mail last night, I noticed this subject line: "Grady Sizemore* Becomes a 30/30 Man."



The first thing that came to mind was the song "Sixty-Minute Man," which made me snicker. But when I read the message I remembered that the Indians were playing Detroit and realized that I'd already missed the first three innings because I had been watching She's Having a Baby.**

Also on the Kevin Bacon tip: I just saw He Said, She Said last week, and if I hadn't been flipping between the convention and the ball game last night, I would have been watching Diner. No plans to watch Footloose, though.***








*Or, as my grandma insists on calling him, "Grady Cute Butt." Yeah, I'm vomiting a little, too. I think I've mentioned that factoid before, but I felt the need to share the pain.

** Verdict: Hilarious and underrated. I enjoyed all the cross-casting between it and Ferris Bueller, plus the string of cameos during the closing credits. Oh, and don't forget the big song-and-dance number with the lawnmowers — one of many WTF?! dream sequences that cracked me up.

*** Last weekend my sister insisted that I've seen this movie, despite my many claims to the contrary. She says we watched it on TV one night, but I have no memory of this incident. I do know that we saw Sleepers on TV once — it was the same night Stick learned that it's not a good idea to put a wooden spoon in the blender when it's on. (Yes, he had been drinking. What's your point?)





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Now playing: Orleans - Still the One
via FoxyTunes

Nothing Melts Snow Like a Hot Stove

So, in case you hadn't heard, it snowed in Northeast Ohio last weekend.

WTAM helped us warm up by replaying a classic Indians game on Sunday afternoon, and the Plain Dealer is sharing photos from the new spring training facility in Arizona . . . where Grady is already hard at work.

Want more workout pix with even odder grimaces?
Check out the slideshow on cleveland.com.

And to top it all off with some stadium mustard, this was in the paper this morning:

Indians seek Fun Bunch workers to wear hot dog costumes

The Cleveland Indians have signed a closer, a third baseman and a starting pitcher this off-season, but three crucial positions remain unfilled.

To be winners, the Tribe needs wieners.

Specifically: fit folks who can don the Ketchup, Mustard and Onion hot dog costumes and sprint around the foul lines for fan amusement. The race has become a mid-game fan favorite. There's even a Web site, ketchupcheats.com, dedicated to exposing the conniving condiment. And the Tribe is dead serious about its dogs. An ad on the team's Web site for "Fun Bunch" seasonal workers notes: "Applicants must have some type of previous training in high school sports/track and cardiorespiratory endurance between 400-800 meters. Running skills will be tested as Fun Bunch employees will be required to participate in the Hot Dog Races."

Let's just hope the Tribe scouts don't find the king of all Ketchups, only to have the Yankees swoop in and sign him for $18 an hour.

— Michael K. McIntyre

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Now playing on iTunes: DJ John - It Takes Two To Kiss (Rob Base vs. Prince)
via FoxyTunes

Giddiness Ensues

Uhm. That photo looks a little . . . incriminating. Much like the photo of LeBron laid out on top of Damon Jones after Jones drilled that shot against the Wizards the other year. But they're just happy, is all.

A lovely sonnet from the Listener Rantz page on WTAM.com:

Bob,

I sent the following poem to my diehard-Yankees-fan-friend in NYC this morning. Thought you might like to have a copy...

Dear Yankees Fans,

Our thoughts are with you in this time of great sorrow.
For your beloved Yankees, there is no tomorrow.
The end of an era? Steinbrenner's story?
Will all your Free Agents walk the same path as Joe Torre?

None of that matters to us at this moment...
It's time to move on to our next AL opponent!
Their pitching is solid, but we've got our gnats.
This week we'll train 'em to swarm Boston's bats!

Who cares what Chip thinks... or TBS... or ESPN...
As long as our Indians continue to win!

So next week when you're sulking, along with King James,
In Cleveland we'll all be enjoying the ALCS games!

GO TRIBE!!!

Regards, Indians Fans

~ From Jeff in Strongsville, OH

Eventually, Brave Astronaut is supposed to post something nice about the Indians on his blog. Watch this space.

Hmm. Since I had a blogger bet during the CLE-NY series and the Indians won, I suppose I should have one with Megan Q during the CLE-BOS series to ensure an Indians victory.

In other news: The Cavs open their season tonight. At least the organization shows a little class on its Web site, even if LeBron insists on being rude:

All Hail the King

What else is there to say? Words are failing pretty much everybody.

I will say this: Last night was the first time I agreed with Reggie Miller instead of Charles Barkley. Sir Charles was talking some smack about how other guys on the Cavs should have been involved in the scoring, and Reggie's all, Wait, I thought you just crucified this guy after Game 1 when he made the pass? You can't have it both ways — tell him to keep the ball and finish the play, but then when he does it, you tell him he should be getting his teammates involved? I thought, Yes! You tell him, Reggie. Then I thought, Wait, I hate Reggie Miller. What's going on?

Things were a little hazy at that point anyhow, partly because it was late and I was tired and partly because I couldn't believe that we managed to hang on and win it — and win it after the Indians came back to beat the Tigers. For the last week or so, it seemed that if the Indians lost, the Cavs won, and vice versa.

Anyhow, even though I saw the whole thing and watched the postgame on TNT and the recap on Sportscenter (and noted how they put a whole LBJ highlight reel together as the number-one "play," after they showed Grady's somersault catch as the number-two play of the day — Way to bend the rules there, guys. Why not make it the top-ten LeBron plays of the day and be done with it?) now I have to go catch up on all the newspaper coverage. I especially enjoy reading the Detroit papers, ha ha. Can't wait for Saturday night.

Snerk.

Indians 12, Twins 2: It took eleven years, but the Indians finally exacted their revenge on Livan Hernandez for the 1997 World Series. Grady Sizemore was 15 at the time and was living in Seattle, but I'm sure his desire for vengeance was burning with the intensity of a thousand suns as he hit his 14th home run in the fourth inning.

— ShysterBall: And That Happened

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Now playing on iTunes: Clarence Carter - Tell Daddy
via FoxyTunes
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Mmm! Pie!

I missed the Indians game on Grady's birthday, so I didn't get a chance to see him play DH or get his pie-in-the-face moment.

Luckily, I found some nice photos on The Plain Dealer's Web site. I especially like the tongue action in the last one. (Dirty!)

I Could Watch This All Day

This is my favorite part of Grady's appearance on That's Life . . . . especially the first ten or fifteen seconds.

The part where he's all about the Chucks just makes me laugh. And squee. Mostly squee.

Talking Trash

• On deck: Game One
  
• Bring on the Yanks, but Not the Peace Pipe...
  
• Members of the Tribe: Hometown Buds Hope for Some October Magic in Cleveland
  

And my personal favorite: FNYLGT

I Totally Want This: Fathead.com Edition

I think I need this to go with my Michael Jordan growth chart and life-size Yao Ming poster:

It's only $150, and if I buy it now, I get a second one free!

Hmmm. What to choose . . .

• Star Wars? Nah.
• OSU? Meh.
• They don't have Grady Sizemore . . . yet.

Oh man, if the "Mrs. Sizemore" t-shirts flew off the shelves,
could you imagine the sales of a life-size poster?

(drool)

Sorry. Lost my mind for a minute.

Since I'm
(a) sticking to a basketball theme
and
(b) running out of walls in my apartment

I'll have to skip this old-school Kosar:



Plus, it's already sold out.

In other basketball news . . . (emphasis mine)

Varejao continues to amaze with his knack of drawing charges, and now the officials give him the benefit of the doubt because he's already established the reputation as a defensive star. In 22 minutes, he's delivering 7.2 points and 5.8 rebounds but even more in terms of hustle plays. He is perfect for this team and does a good job running the pick-and-roll with James. Some fans want him to start, but he brings game-changing energy off the bench — and he's usually on the court at the end of close games.

From Iverson Answer to Wrong Question
Terry Pluto, Akron Beacon Journal

I know he brings "game-changing energy" — and sometimes the Cavs need that energy right off the bat, which is why I want him to start. Ooh, especially once Scot "Mohawk" Pollard is healthy, and he can come in off the bench with some energy.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch . . .

I'm debating whether I want to get tickets for Cavs vs. Hawks. The game's on my last night in the ATL, and what better way to spend it than waving a giant Go Cavs! sign at Philips Arena? So far, though, all I can find on TicketMaster are the nosebleed seats. I'll have to investigate this further later.

Friday Timewaster: LOL Jocks

I guess there's LOL everything by now, but it doesn't mean that these photos aren't hi-larious . . .

Guess which one is my new desktop wallpaper?

Hello, Mr. Sizemore indeed!

I'll see you at the restaurant down the street from my place in two weeks.

A Road Trip with Grady? Where Do I Sign Up?!

Actually, this would be awesome. And I have friends in Boston. Hmm....

And We're Underway in Goodyear, AZ

As you may or may not know/care, another season of Indians baseball kicks off this afternoon with the first spring training game at the new facility in Goodyear.

I've spent part of the morning e-mailing a sales rep about tickets for the two group outings I'm setting up, looking through the photo galleries on WTAM, and reading articles on Indians.com. I caught part of an interview with Grady on Sports Time Ohio a few days ago, but maybe I'll kill time until 3 p.m. looking for additional footage/images online. Or at least watch some Major League clips on YouTube.

Yeah, that's the ticket. Work, shmerk.