Burn in Hell, Team 11

The Pastafarians and our noodly appendages were actually in first place for a while. Then, as Mike D helpfully pointed out to the crowd during Round 5, we started tanking. According to him, we always start out well and then collapse in the second half. We couldn't really argue, because that fact has been fairly well documented on this blog.

We still managed to come in second, though, and Mike D cheered us up by calling out, "Burn in hell, Team 11!" as they headed toward the exit. Heh.

Scores and Standings

Round 1: Theatrical Releases in the Nursery with Boxing Gloves
12 points
Round 2: Tropical Movie Music Sports Places
8 points
Round 3: People and Places — 7 points
Round 4: Have a Magical Day — 7 points
Round 5: Everything's Up in the Air — 6 points
Round 6: Competitions of Sorts — 2 points

At halftime, we were in first place, one or two points ahead of Team 11, depending on who was doing the counting. The Flying Monkeys were a somewhat distant third with 18 points, one ahead of the bartenders playing as Phi Beta Colada. Soul Sisters and Eileen on Her Own were almost neck-and-neck, with 13 and 12 points respectively.

New entrant, Iggy, had no points at halftime but finished with 18, enough to score some Miller Lite and Miller High Life t-shirts as the last-place prize. Eileen and the Soul Sisters apparently left, because Phi Beta Colada finished fourth with 32 points and no prize. The Flying Monkeys came in third with 38 points, taking home an Indians cap, Miller Lite t-shirt, and widemouth bottle of chablis. We finished seven points behind Team 11, so we got a Jameson's t-shirt (which Cathy claimed), a Summit Brewing Company t-shirt (which I claimed, mostly because the slogan Beer Is My Life is emblazoned on the back), and a widemouth bottle of chardonnay with some straws. First-place winners get an appetizer party for ten people, but since, as Cathy pointed out, we don't have ten friends, it's just as well that we came in second.

Quotable Quotes and Notable Notes
  • When Mike D announced the title of Round 1, Christine said, "Thank you, Random Subject Generator!"

  • Since the leper colony was a no-show and the other team in our room gave up and left after halftime, I actually had to venture out into the main room to trade answer sheets with other teams. I was going to stay out there while he read the answers, but Mike D lied about my teammates missing me and forced me to go back to my table.

  • Mike D actually scored some points of his own by stumping the crowd on a few questions. I don't think anybody correctly identified the 2002 film advertised with the tagline "Love is here to stay — and so is her family" (My Big Fat Greek Wedding) or the comedian who said, "Anyone can get old — all you have to do is live long enough" (Groucho Marx).

  • Cathy and Christine tried to convert Mike D to Pastafarianism, but he refused to get on the bus with the other converts and make a pilgrimage to Kansas, with a side trip to the Cumberland County Courthouse in Crossville, Tennessee:

The Cumberland County Courthouse lawn in Crossville, Tennessee now features an enormous statue of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

  • Mike D gave us crayons, so we filled out the rest of our answer sheets in crayon, even though Christine kept breaking hers. The pressure!

  • Christine won a raffle prize: a family four-pack of Miller Lite party beads. I can't really capture in type the dull, lifeless, complete-opposite-of-thrilled tone in her voice when she said, "Oh, shit. I won," so you'll just have to imagine it the best you can.

  • I maintain that we would not have "tanked" if Round 6 hadn't been full of garbage we have no interest in, like golfers from Texas who won at Pebble Beach in 1992 or Kuwaiti holidays, or frakkin' math problems, like coming up with the number that is 5 percent less than 120.75. Grr!

Tune in next week for the exploits of Tom Selleck's Moustache. Hum the Magnum P.I. theme song (or, if you're Cathy, turn on your phone and play the ring tone) as you read this installment of Yahoo! Mail Theatre.

From: Amy
Sent: Thursday, April 03, 2008 10:28 AM
To:Cathy, Christine
Subject: Charleston Chewy is Chewy, Louie. But not too chewy.*

Matthew McConaughey offered 'Magnum P.I.'

* Thanks, Random Subject Line Generator!

-----Message ----
From: Christine
To: Amy, Cathy
Sent: Thursday, April 3, 2008 10:54 AM
Subject: RE: Charleston Chewy is Chewy, Louie. But not too chewy.*

Why can’t they just get Tom Selleck to do it again? He’s holding up fine.

I have nothing but love for MMC, but they need someone more … mustachey. I mean, Magnum was a special ops Vietnam vet. He kinda had gravity. MMC will just play him like a beach bum.

More importantly, of course … who’s going to be Higgins? I say Kevin Spacey. Go look at a picture of Higgins and tell me that wouldn’t work. He’s doing sh!tty movies lately anyway … why not this one?

I know Magnum had a black friend, too … he was a bruiser kind of guy. Who’s the poor man’s Jamie Foxx? It’d be that guy. Probably someone who does stand up on the side.

And then didn’t Magnum live in this big mansion owned by Orson Wells? And you never saw Orson Wells, but you just heard him once in a while? They’ll have some big name person there, like Bill Murray played Charlie in Charlie’s Angels. Hmmm. I suppose they could make Tom Selleck that guy, but that wouldn’t be any fun. Lemme think, lemme think … big booming voice, instant recognition. Sean Connery? Robin Leach? Distinguished voice, proper amount of cheesiness, but maybe not the cameo recognition. Patrick Stewart? He did that cameo in Men in Tights … he’d do this.

----- Message ----
From: Amy
To: Christine, Cathy
Sent: Thursday, April 3, 2008 11:24 AM
Subject: Re: Charleston Chewy is Chewy, Louie. But not too chewy.*

Wow. You seem to have put a lot of thought into this.

I'm pretty sure I've never watched an entire episode of Magnum.

----- Message ----
From: Cathy
To: Amy, Christine
Sent: Thursday, April 03, 2008 11:34 AM
Subject: Re: Charleston Chewy is Chewy, Louie. But not too chewy.*

I agree with Christine. Tom has only gotten better with age. Why can't he play Magnum? And Magnum's old sidekicks recently guested on Las Vegas. They're still kickin'. Let them play their characters again. I also love me some MMC, but he'd change the vibe too much.

----- Message ----
From: Christine
To: Amy, Cathy
Sent: Thursday, April 3, 2008 11:44 AM
Subject: RE: Charleston Chewy is Chewy, Louie. But not too chewy.*

Well, there’s a team name … “Patron Saints of the Mustache.” Or “Higgins’ Pajamas.” I always remember Higgins wearing Tai Chi pajamas … maybe it was part of the opening credits montage.

They’ll probably make Higgins gay in the movie. He’ll have a crush on Magnum. They do this, you know. I’m not so much a fan of Magnum, PI as I am jaded and yet fascinated by how Hollywood retools these shows for feature films.

----- Message ----
From: Cathy
To: Christine, Amy
Sent: Thursday, April 3, 2008 11:49 AM
Subject: Re: Charleston Chewy is Chewy, Louie. But not too chewy.*

I LOVE Magnum PI and have very strong feelings about it. Shut up. I really do not want to see this show retooled at all.

I do like both team name options. Those Tai Chi pjs crack me up. So un-Higgins-y but so Higgins-y at the same time.

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