Cleaning Out the Inbox

Here's something that was forwarded to me, posted here for your enjoyment. Or re-enjoyment, if I already forwarded it to you. Beware the exclamation points . . .


If you are 30 or older you will think this is hilarious!!!!

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning ... uphill BOTH ways, yadda, yadda, yadda. And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!

But now that I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in Utopia! And I hate to say it, but you kids today don't know how good you've got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!!

There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter, with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!

There were no MP3's or Napster! If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and mess it all up!

We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it! And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and 'Asteroids'. Your "guy" was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

When you went to the movie theater there no such thing as stadium seating! All the seats were the same height! If a tall guy or some old broad with a hat sat in front of you and you couldn't see, you were just screwed!

Sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 15 channels and there was no on screen menu and no remote control! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your butt and walk over to the TV to change the channel and there was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday morning. Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little brats!

And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up we had to use the stove or go build a frigging fire. Imagine that! If we wanted popcorn, we had to use that stupid Jiffy Pop thing and shake it over the stove forever like an idiot.

That's exactly what I'm talking about! The kids today have got it too easy. They're spoiled. They wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980!

The Over-30 Crowd

(Send this to someone you'd like to make smile, whether they are under 30 or not.)

Another forwarded e-mail was "World's Tightest Pair of Jeans," which you can see here, along with an extensive debate about whether or not the photo is a fake.

Oh, snap!

I'm listening to Ryan Seacrest's radio show and he's talking about people's behavior when they're dining out. A waiter called in to say that he's had some high-maintenance customers before, and one time a woman argued with him about what was on the bill. He said that she called him over to tell him that there was something on the check that she didn't order. He promised to take care of it, and asked her what it was. She said, I didn't order any gratuity. Ryan says, Well, you should be happy Jessica Simpson came to your restaurant.


In other news: Things look good for pub quiz tonight. I'm pretty sure I know the answers to four questions in this week's e-mail installment of Ken Jenning's trivia quiz, and I have a good guess for two more. I have no clue about the last question, which is something akin to the dreaded missing link.

  • What elite military force was long headquartered in Sidi-Bel-Abbes, Algeria?

  • Why did headlines this month refer to Mia Hamm as the "Jerry West of women's soccer"?

  • What was a career for Sir Edmund Hillary and an avocation for Sherlock Holmes?

  • What future journalist was crowned "America's Junior Miss," representing Kentucky, in 1963?

  • What expression meaning "everything" derives from the three main parts of a musket?

  • What title activity of a 1982 song began "as soon as the shareef had cleared the square"?

  • What unusual distinction is shared by these famous people? Milton Berle, Steve Earle, Eminem, Melanie Griffith, Stan Laurel, Joe Louis, Frida Kahlo, and Lana Turner.

I suppose I could Google the answers to the two I'm guessing about, since I never submit my answers for scoring anyway. Feel free to post your answers/guesses in the comments!

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