And in First Place . . .


Team 11 wins again! Except this time, we were Team 11!*

So, cue Freddie and the boys! Tom Selleck's Mustache** is the mother-frakkin' champion, my (Internet) friends!

We scored 69 points (Dirty!) to beat (the real) Team 11**** and Alpaca Lips Now***** by one and three points, respectively, to win . . . wait for it . . . $185!!!

On top of all that, we even got the frakkin' missing link!
O joy! O rapture!

I cannot even begin to tell you how giddy and spazzy we were when the final scores were announced. Suffice it to say, it was awesome.

What a way to kick off Mike D Pub Quiz 3.0.****** And, since we're back to 98 percent of the original format, we have a whole month to bask in our awesomeness! Life is good.

* In a manner of speaking . . . Every team gets a number when it signs up, and we happened to be the eleventh team in the door that night, so we got a tag with "#11" on it. Said tag now resides on my cubicle divider, next to a photo of dishy John Krasinski and above a bookmark from my mom: "Since you insist upon reading this sort of sinful and scandalous material . . . [vintage photo of old-skool nuns] You're going straight to Heck!"

** A definite hit with ladies of a certain age, let me tell you. Every time I said our team name to a woman over fifty — like Mike D's mom or her friend Nancy, or the social studies editor at the office — she would giggle and compliment me on our choice of team names. Then she would get a little quiet and distracted for a few moments, with a faraway look in her eyes, before sighing deeply and resuming normal conversation.

*** Oh, there are many, many, MANY more exclamation points to come!!!

**** I know!! Are there any sweeter words in the English language?!

***** Christine had to read this name out loud to me three times and I still didn't get it, so she finally spelled it out: Apocalypse Now. Very clever, team formerly known as the Leper Colony!

****** Apparently there's a betting pool for the date that the power of the Mike D Pub Quiz will shut down the bar. His dad has money on Valentine's Day.

Scores and Standings

Round 1: Irish or Dead? — 8 points
Round 2: People and Places — 5 points
Round 3: Entertainment — 8 points
Round 4: Literature — 8 points

Picture Round: What's the Game Show? — 9 points

Round 5: Science and Math — 2 points

Round 6: Video Round — 9 points
Round 7: Useless Knowledge — 7 points
Round 8: The Missing Link — 13 points

We were in first place at halftime with 38 points. (This includes our picture round score.) Team 11 and the Flying Monkeys were tied for second with 35 points, and Alpaca Lips Now were a point behind them.

We immediately realized that we were going to crash and burn in the second half. While Mike D acknowledged that this was the likely course of events — especially after we correctly predicted our nemesis (Science and Math) as the next category — he refused to end the quiz early and let us go home with first prize. So, despite totally tanking the fifth round, we managed to display some Useless Knowledge before wreaking vengeance on our bitter adversary (the Missing Link) to close out the night on top.

After we were announced as the first-place winners — to the shock and amazement of pretty much everyone still left in the place, including us — Christine said what we were all thinking: It's all downhill from here! Cathy said I would be spending the first three hours at the office Thursday morning writing up my detailed recap. Even Mike D chimed in: "Longest blog entry ever! I can feel it!" (He's probably not wrong, because: Wait! There's more!)

Quotable Quotes & Notable Notes

  • I'd never been to P.J. McIntyre's before, but when I came in the place it was like old home week. Not only did I recognize some of the furnishings from Brendan O'Neill's, but people from the Leper Colony waved hello, Mike D's mom and her friend said hi, and Team 11 member/HNBIYB reader/Love and Capes creator Thom came over to introduce himself and promise that his team would kick our butts. I felt a little like Norm at Cheers.

  • As promised, this is the original Mike D Pub Quiz we came to know and love at Brendan's: Video round, missing link, and cash prizes. (I like to think that we were just biding our time during the Claddagh interregnum, letting other teams win gift baskets and other nonsense while we saved our mental energy for the big payoff. $185! Yeah, we had to split it three ways, but still . . . Ha!)

    There are a few changes, however. For one thing, Mike D will no longer repeat the questions, so now I'm not the only one taking notes during each round. Also, he claims that starting next month, the first-place and last-place teams from the previous month will get to sit up on the stage area with him during the quiz. Of course, once we won, he was immediately sorry that he announced this policy.

    Oh, and the graphics are much snazzier this time around. He's picked some amusingly appropriate photos to introduce each round, like a screencap from an episode of Mr. Wizard for the Science and Math category or images of Tom Cruise on Oprah's couch for the video round. Cathy and Christine noted that he certainly had a lot of time to come up with them. (Meow!)

  • The traditional faux categories for the evening included Why Does Mike D Suck?, Wicked Cool Haircuts, Contents of Mike D's Glovebox, and World Showcase: Parma Heights.

  • One of the game shows in the picture round featured Alex Trebek hosting High Rollers, which we correctly identified — unlike the teams who wrote down Let's Look at a Table, Roll Those Dice!, or Jeopardy! (Mike D: "Uh, I'll take '8' for a thousand, Alex!")

    As we were admiring Alex's luxurious 'stache, Christine suggested Alex Trebek's Mustache for next month's team name: "We should be a different mustache each month!" Hilarious. But we'll have to save Rollie Fingers for December, when Cathy can rejoin us. (Stoopid Wednesday night classes!)

  • Despite being the focus of much discussion during the days before the quiz, there was no Tom Selleck cake in (belated) honor of Christine's birthday. (She seemed pleased with the gifts she did receive, however.) Here's a tip for everyone: Drinking and baking is just as dangerous as drinking and driving — although I suppose it was really drinking and icing that, uh, took the cake.

    Long story short: Through the magic of alcohol and the subsequent substitution of granulated for confectioner's sugar, Cathy's depiction of Tom in icing looked like a pedophile with scabies. Plus, the cake itself may have contained eggshells. So, it was probably better for all concerned that she threw it away.

    She claims she took photos before consigning her efforts to the trash, but I haven't seen them yet. In the meantime, let's feast our eyes once again on the original "Hairy Birthday" Selleck cake:

  • Speaking of Hollywood hunks: I'm not sure what's fueling Mike D's Keanu obsession, but images and references to Mr. Reeves abounded. First, Keanu was featured on the opening slide for the Entertainment category, prompting Christine to suggest putting "Whoa!" for every answer.

    Then, question 9A in that category was "How much does Keanu Reeves suck?" and 9B was "What's the next disaster (film) Keanu is going to unleash upon us?" (Mike D mentioned that the trailer to said movie looks pretty good, but then Keanu ruins it by speaking.) Oh, and the correct response for the person who said "The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them" was listed as Keanu Reeves or Mark Twain. (This prompted some arguments from the crowd, but my theory is that in the course of all the time-traveling for Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, Keanu said it first but then Twain stole it and got the credit.)

  • We had a few "I said that! But you didn't believe me!!" moments when the responses were revealed, like when Christine and I picked Kelsey Grammer over Cathy's Jerry Seinfeld as the first sitcom actor to earn $1 million per episode. We should know better by know, given Cathy's scores on the SAT (Seinfeld Aptitude Test). We also didn't listen to her about Michael Flatley's non-Irishness (given the round's strict definition of "Irish" as "Born in Ireland").

    Also, I thought the official fossil of Illinois would not be the trilobite, since that's Ohio's official fossil (My sister is a fossil freak; I must have picked that fact up by osmosis.) but I couldn't convince Christine to write down Tully Monster. (I think she thought it sounded fake.) Meanwhile, the only one we missed in the Missing Link round was the name of the company that built its first computer for Stanford University in 1982. Christine mentioned "Sun," but we talked ourselves into Compaq, Gateway, and, finally, at my insistence, Apple — which, of course, are all wrong. Doh! (She did totally rock the Kevin Mitnick question in round 2, though.)

  • It wouldn't be Pub Quiz without smart remarks in the form of wrong answers. For example, we said the Texas Congressman who started the Gore-claims-to-invent-teh-Internets rumor was J. R. Ewing. (Luckily for us, nobody else seemed to remember Dick Armey, allowing Mike D one brief shining moment at the top of Stump the Crowd Mountain.) Later on, Alpaca Lips Now shouted out that the country that uses the dong as a unit of currency is Penistan. (Heh. I said "unit.")

  • And it wouldn't be a true Mike D Pub Quiz without the video round. I'll leave you with one of the clips featured this month, from one of my favorite series of commercials ever: Bud Light Presents "Real Men of Genius" — Mr. Really, Really, Really Bad Dancer. Enjoy.

Now playing on iTunes: Switches - Lovin' It
via FoxyTunes


  1. Cell-Phone-Free Fellow PQer8/07/2008 10:31 AM

    Congrats on finally beating Team 11 - perhaps next month you can try the math and science round sans the electronic assistance?

  2. No one used calculators on m & s. Aside from noting that my cell doesn't even have a square root function, any cell use at our table was unrelated-to-pq texting.
    All the Keanu talk has me wanting to watch Point Break again. Also, miked looks a little Keanu-ish, no???
    Yay for Rollie Fingers's mustache!!

  3. The Tom Selleck cake photos may never go public. (Note that I spelled that correctly.) The consistency of the frosting was so bad it came out blobby and kind of runny until it dried and formed a crust. I should confine my baking endeavors to cookies for Keanu's parties.

  4. @ Cat's second note:

    Ha! This time, instead of "pubic smoking," the reference was "Joaquin Murieta is said to have been captured and killed by the California Rangers, who preserved his head in a jar which circulated throughout California, displayed to the pubic for a $1 fee in a circuslike atmosphere."

    Oy to the vey. With all the flavors of crazy in that sentence, it's no wonder TS didn't pick up on the missing l during the tech edit.

  5. I think the whopping two points we scored in the "Science and Math" section is testament enough to our non-electronically-assisted mathmatical suckitude.

  6. I mean, honestly ... if we cheat, we're even bigger losers than we realize, since with the entire width and breadth of teh interwebs supposedly at our command in the midst of a crowded room of fiercely competitive teams and a quiz host who walks around and listens in on everything we say, we usually bomb out and end up in fifth place. That is some staggeringly inept subterfuge there!

  7. Dear mother of's like stalkers, but with teh internets and grammar. I'm totally locking all my doors now. And buying some guard dogs....and a pack of wild bees.....and some Diet Coke and bread because I'm out. But that's beside the point.

    In other news, another excellent and painfully detailed description of the 4 hours of "enterpainment" from the Pub Quiz. I'm just glad my fly wasn't down and I didn't have some green vegetative matter amidst my teeths as that undoubtedly would have ended up in the Court Stenographer's notes.


  8. And, just because you forgot to mention it, it's a good thing the dong question was this month. For the next several, you will not have me or my knowledge of dong at your disposal. Which is sad on so many levels.

  9. Hey, just think how much more verbose it's going to be next month, when we've got the birds-eye view on the stage (especially since that'll most likely be the only time we're ever going to be there). SOMEBODY better not be picking their behind during the Video Round!