Yo, Dwight! C'mere a minute. I got a message for you . . .
In case you haven't noticed, TPTB (David Stern, ABC, Nike, etc.) want a Kobe-LeBron matchup in the finals. I present Exhibit A:
You may be saying, So? What's that got to do with me? Lemme break it down: You're supposed to take a dive, Superman. I mean, take a page from Carmelo and make it look good, but don't think that you're more than a speed bump on the way to LBJ's first ring.
This is nothing against you or your mad basketball skillz or your posterboy-for-Crest smile. At any other time, I would be glad to root for you. Right now, however, I wish you had more free time in which to film hi-larious cell phone commercials with D-Wade and the Round Mound of Rebound.
So, tell your teammates (Especially Turkoglu — seems like that dude's been killing us all series!) to knock it off with making the three-pointers and triple-teaming LeBron and whatnot. Ask them to go on summer vacation a little early, and to just coast for the next few nights. Tell them what Northeast Ohioans have been telling ourselves for decades: There's always next year.
Except we're not saying it this time. This year's our year. Believe it, Leon Bibb!